From the "Nice" to the "Naughty" List

I might be tipping myself over on the Naughty scale by stripping these former cute child Christmas movie stars of their innocence and including them in my "Hot in December" list, but I consider myself being rather kind and generous by sharing said list with you all. Naughty or Nice? I'm not sure, but these celebs are definitely very sexy.

Zack Ward, who played Scut Farkas, the bully everyone loved to hate in the 1983 classic A Christmas Story, is now looking extra sexy, much to my surprise.  His latest acting endeavors include a guest role in Cold Case and a permanent role on the series Doll House... But I would prefer to add him to my list of Good-to-Look-at-Gingers.

Images courtesy IMDB

Taylor Momsen, Hollywood's residential bad girl since Lindsay Lohan got locked up and became boring, is not often remembered as the adorable Cindy Lou Who she played a decade ago in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, alongside Jim Carey.  The black eyeliner-loving 17-year-old now stars in Gossip Girl as Jenny Humphrey and writes, sings, and plays guitar for her band The Pretty Reckless.



Left image courtesy IMDB

David Krumholtz, a not-so-sexy name for a very sexy celeb, appeared in the cast list for 1994's The Santa Clause when he played Bernard, the head elf in Santa's workshop that had all viewers confused by the correlation between elves and dreadlocks. Krumholtz has a lengthy filmography, but is probably most recently well known for his role as Charlie in NUMB3RS.



Arguably the most famous on my list, Juliette Lewis is not to be neglected for her role as Audrey Griswold in Christmas Vacation (1989).  The movie is hilarious and so is the juxtaposition of her looks from then and now.  But Lewis definitely tops off the list for sexy Christmas celebs keeping us hot in the cold month of December.

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."

LEO TOLSTOY

Movie of the Month

Going along with my plan to represent the atypical NYU student during finals week (i.e. doing everything BUT pulling all-nighters studying in Bobst library and surviving off nothing but coffee and redbulls), I decided to spend my evening at the movies.  The film of choice? Black Swan.  Yes, I did feel like I was cheating on Johnny Depp by choosing this blockbuster thriller over The Tourist, but based on its reviews, I knew Black Swan was much more of a priority (plus, I spent the rest of the night drooling over my JD posters covering 90% of my wallspace).

Black Swan, starring Natalie Portman, was unthinkably moving.  Its effect is so fresh that I cannot yet formulate words to describe my experience.  However, I do want to share this: my connection to this film began about one year ago, when I was living on 12th st. and 4th ave.  The entrance to Forum, a NYC bar located just around the corner from where I resided, was blocked off, and the street was filled with tents and had the appearance of a set.  I was doing one of my usual Walgreen's runs when I had to walk past Forum.  It was a cold and dark day, and the sidewalk was filled with people moving in every direction, but my eyes were immediately drawn towards the small yet stunning face peeking out of a large black cloak... There she was - Natalie Portman.

Turns out, they were filming a scene from Black Swan at Forum, and I caught a glimpse of it.  It was exciting to see the scenes played back to me in the final product.  Below is a screenshot from the scene in which Mila Kunis and Portman are having dinner and drinks at the local bar.

(Scene from Black Swan, courtesy http://www.rottentomatoes.com/)

I highly advise you all to see this film, but definitely not in a fragile mental state. It is a phenomenal work of art for which Portman most deserves an Oscar for "Best Actress". Happy watching!

The Hipsters are Coming

Today, sexypants Marky-Mark made a scrumdiddliumptious (big ups to Willy Wonka) appearance on the Ellen show on NBC. Obviously I was too distracted by his dashing looks to pay attention to any of what he was actually saying, but in my superficial examination of his superbly crafted anatomy, I made a shocking discovery:

Is Mark Wahlberg a HIPSTER?!?!?

Check out the clip below of the man/myth/legend/underwear model/rapper extraordinaire Marky-Mark on the Ellen show and see his shameless promotion of widely recognized hipster favorite, Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, via tightly worn t-shirt.

Nothin Wrong with a Little Egoism

A friend of mine recommended that I listen to Keri Hilson's latest single "Pretty Girl Rock", and as I was listening I realized I had already heard it (sadly to admit, it was in Charlotte Russe at 8am while I was Black Friday shopping... hold the jokes).  But I had NOT seen the music video, which I'm really feeling - maybe even more than the song itself.  Ms. Hilson provides us with the 21st century women's anthem while giving an ode to iconic women of music of the past several decades. My personal favorite: a nonverbal shoutout to TLC's Lisa Left Eye, Chilli, and T-Boz in satin PJs on a white backdrop, blatantly reminiscent of their unforgettable "Creep" video.

Check out "Pretty Girl Rock" and be filled with personal conceit and the warmth of your favorite female musical legends.  Which ones do you remember?

I'm Baaaaack...

A) Never acquire responsibilities. They are overrated and they will take over your life.

2) Get used to the fact that this blog might be inconsistent. I don't know who wrote the unwritten rule that consistency is good and inconsistency is bad, but I beg to differ.

Lastly, brace yourselves for a blogging rampage because I have decided to select the time when I should be upholding aforementioned "responsibilities" most as the time when I will cast them aside to do things like blogging and online window-shopping and watching clips of "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" via YouTube.

Lessons from an Author of My Childhood

"Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night's sleep again and they will SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIVES WANDERING blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can FEEL THIS WAY, TOO."

-Lemony Snicket-

5 little words

Yesterday, as I sat in my public speaking class, located in the tiniest room that exists in NYU's Silver Center (what I frequently imagine must have been a closet back in the day), I wondered how I was going to make it through my fifth and longest (2 hours and 30 minutes of pure agonizing torture, to be specific) class of the day. The thought was quickly interrupted when the Stern-suited Asian in front of me thrust his desk chair backwards, inevitably crushing every fiber of my right leg's being. Even loudly and obnoxiously yelling "OUCH" - not just to elicit a response, but because it actually hurt like hell - could get him to notice the human being he just assaulted via furniture unit... But that's not what I'm getting at.



We were to finish presenting speeeches about objects we "like". You may be asking yourself, as I was, why couldn't we seem to finish presenting these impromptu, three minute long speeches during the previous class? Why, there were only about 20 students, and the class is 2.5 hours long.



You see, every so often, the professor feels the need to interject and tell "just a short little story", usually pried from the depths of his former career as a lawyer, but most frequently, these stories are no where near my definition of "short", nor do they have remotely anything to do with whatever was being discussed in class... But that is also besides the point.



Almost everyone had given their speeches, and everyone's object had varied from one place or item to another. It was 7:00 and there was just 25 minutes of class left when at least one more speech was needed to be given, and I realized I had devoted the last two hours to doodling in my notebook. So I decided to volunteer. The speech I gave is nearly irrelevant, other than five little words I considered to be the most insignificant part of my 180 second speech: "this might sound cliche, but..."



Little did I know, but this phrase would throw the class into utter mayhem. When my speech was over, the class began giving constructive criticism. I was about to be home free, when one overly-analytical nursing student decided to open the Pandora's box of critiques and call into question why I used those five little words. Soon enough, war had erupted. Students were yelling at students, the professor was yelling at students, students were yelling at the professor. Allegations were being tossed around that I was insecure, I had belittled myself and my argument by prefacing my concluding statement with the warning of a cliche; others claimed that my preface was a smart and necessary move in an effort to appeal to all audiences and add more legitimacy to my statement. But while all of this mayhem and conflict surrounded me and my speech, I couldn't have cared less.

Morals of this story, however: 1) it seems to be the smallest, least pondered over of our actions and words that carry the most weight 2) people will care more about your "intentions" than you do 3) sometimes you need to read between the lines of the things you say and do to learn more about yourself and last but not least 4) I am and always will be an instigator of conflict, regardless of whether I'm making a conscious effort or not.

So Long Sweet? Summer

Today marked the first day of classes and the longest day of my life in the four sweet, blissful, do-nothing months that formed what I liked to call the boring-est summer ever (no offense Gary, my suit selling coworker who wanted to take me out on a date to Red Lobster - I'm sure our romance would have blossomed and made my summer more riveting, had Macy's of Cherry Hill provided me with more working hours).

But before I even comment on the events of today, I would like to provide a final closure to summer 2010 with a list of the top 3 most disgusting things I had to do within that period of time... I guess I can't complain about summer being boring or I'll get slapped in the face with grotesque tasks such as these.

#5: Not showering for 4 days in a row while cohabitating with thousands of hippies who usually don't shower for weeks in 110 degree, 90 percent humidity southern weather in the outdoors. Also known as "Bonnaroo". **Disclaimer: this may be on the "Most Disgusting Things I Did This Summer List", however it does not mean I have any negative feelings towards it. And I will definitely be doing it again every year for the rest of my life, God and gasoline willing.

#4: Having to use port-o-potties at Bonnaroo in Tennessee and Dave Matthews Band in Camden. I would say "never again" but I know this is an unrealistic promise to make myself, though it is one out of my best health interests.

#3: Clean out old loose month-old Wawa shorti hoagie meatballs rolling around the floor of my car, courtesy my munchie-plagued shotgun holding bestie. That's the thanks I get from being designated driver. I managed to play it off to my GRANDMOTHER WHO DISCOVERED THEM as "dirty rocks that must have fallen into the back seat when the windows were open"... Yep. The meatballs were that old. Hey, Morgan Spurlock - at least you know Wawa meat is more natural than Mickey D's!

#2: Plunging my hand into a public restroom toilet. Let me back that up before you think I'm completely and utterly repulsive and think twelve times before shaking my hand... It was necessary. I had to retrieve a key I dropped it in that I needed for work. Yes, my life is a joke. I just feel kinda bad for whoever had to use the key after that...

#1: Hand-washing someone else's vomit out of my bed. And by "bed", I mean the sheets, the mattress cover, the pillow cases, the throw pillows, the comforter, oh... and even the headboard. Definitely going to have to avoid Japanese restaurants for a loooooooooong time.

Well there you have it. You officially feel better about your mediocre summer of being a summer camp counselor, and I officially feel like I need to take a bath in acid. Rest in pieces, summer 2010.

You're Cordially Invited

Someone I look up to from afar shared this with me tonight, and before I start blogging about absurd situations I bore witness to over the recent weeks, I thought I should share it with you... Enjoy. xx

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

By Oriah Mountain Dreamer, 1999.

With Deepest Regret

First, an apology.

For slacking off.

One to the reader(s) I knew not existed (yeah, that comes as a big shock to everyone, right?), and one to myself. Yeah I know this tangent I'm about to go off on might be lame, but I took an unnecessary two week long break from this teeny little blog that, even if for no one else, made me happy. And aside from my own selfish desires, much to my surprise, I learned from an old friend (younger than me, but in many ways wiser) that this little blog does have readers. Well, at least a reader. And if the occasional photo posted, words written, or anecdote told brings something to just one other person in the world, the five minutes out of my day I may have even intended just to give myself by blogging on here would be worth it to an even greater extent.

But "sorries" only go so far, actions speak louder than words, and one day, to quote Mr. Belding from Saved By the Bell, you just have to ask yourself "Hey hey hey, what - is - going - ON - here?" And then I hope you will remember to return to what makes you happy, precisely for the reason that it does so.

I know I am.

The best dreams happen when you're AWAKE.

[ cherie gilderbloom ]

Shocking Discoveries

Doing some reading today, I came across a shocking discovery: George Washington Carver did not invent peanut butter. Of course, this news should be nearly insignificant to me, a girl with a lifelong deadly peanut allergy who has never even tasted peanuts, let alone peanut butter. However, I have been living all almost-19 years of my life believing that GWC was the inventor of such a profitable good, when, in fact, he was not. To his credit, he did reportedly discover hundreds of uses for not only the peanut, but also soybeans, other nuts, and sweet potatoes. Some of the most fascinating uses of such ingredients include: shaving cream, linoleum, mayo, and shoe polish. Guess there are some new things I will have to start avoiding unless I want to enter another kind of shocking discovery - anaphylactic shock.

Gee-Dubbs Carver may have not invented peanut butter, but he did discover many things I, as an allergy-prone individual, now know to avoid.

Just a couple of hours ago, I experienced 5:06:07pm on August 9, 2010... Otherwise known as 5678910, which will only happen again in 3010 - so I'll probably be too old to remember when it is happening again by then. Exactly at this moment, I was in an 105 degree, 45% humidity hot room with 17 others doing fixed firm pose. You only get each moment of your life once. What were you doing during this one?

Happy August!

Where did the summer go?

I'm at the Jersey Shore, bitch!

In honor of the Jersey Shore 2 premiere last night (which I strongly recommend you all watch as if your tan depended on it), I have compiled a list of necessary terms for one to be familiar with if you aren't from Jersey and/or have never seen the show (blasphemy). Study up then head to MTV.com to check out last night's stellar premiere in which the crew heads to Miami to bring some Jersey Shore style to the South East coast.

• GTL: an acronym standing for "Gym, Tanning, Laundry" which indicates the method used by guidos as preparation for a night out. Consists of working out at the gym for at least an hour, heading to the tanning salon if you couldn't make it to the beach that week, and picking out the hottest outfit.


• GFA/GFF: acronyms standing for "Grenade Free America" and "Grenade Free Foundation". The GFF advocates the GFA campaign. Please see: "grenade".


• Grenade: term used to describe a fuller-figured ugly woman


• Landmine: term used to describe a thinner ugly woman


• Gorilla Juicehead: a very muscular, good looking Guido


• Blowout: a typical Guido hairstyle in which an excessive amount of hair gel is applied to the hair before using a blow dryer to create an effect similar to sticking your finger in an electrical socket.


• Poof: the Guidette female counterpart for the Guido's "blowout", a hairstyle in which the hair at the front of the scalp is gathered into a big bubble on the top of the head and secured by a chip clip and an excessive amount of hairspray.


• Fist Pump: a staple dance move in which a fist is formed and thrust into the air repeatedly to the beat of house music.


• Beat Up the Beat: a form of killing it on the dance floor at a club. One must start out crouched down low on the floor, with a fist pump formed, and literally "beat" the beat up by fist pumping all the way up to standing position before going absolutely wild.


• Creep: to search for and hit on women. To truly go all out is known as "getting creepy, filthy, and weird".


• Smush: to have sex.


• Bomb: a friend of the female you are trying to pursue who is getting in the way of your plans of taking said female home. A bomb must be detonated or else she will become catastrophic to your plans.


• Robbery: stealing another guy's girl.

Like Breathing

WE SHOULD CONSIDER EVERY DAY LOST ON WHICH WE HAVE NOT DANCED AT LEAST ONCE.

-NIETZSCHE-

I Scream, You Scream...

As all of you should know, July has been National Ice Cream Month ever since Reagan proclaimed it as such during his reign as 40th President of the U.S., marking July 17 as the official "National Ice Cream Day". It isn't hard to understand why we are the most obese nation after simply looking at the facts surrounding this decadent treat: according to the USDA, an American citizen averages about 23 QUARTS per YEAR. That's nearly 24,000 calories added to your diet! (No, that third zero was unfortunately not a typo.) But before I ruin a good old American tradition along the ranks of baseball and fireworks, take a look at some of the latest trends in everyone's favorite chilly sweet treat. Forget Dippin Dots, this is the ice cream of the future.

• Coldstone Creamery: This nation-wide ice cream shop offers a smorgasbord of flavors and "creations", which are a whole new spin on the classic ice cream sundae. Singing workers blend a number of your favorite toppings, ranging from Oreos to cheesecake to strawberries, in with their signature flavors such as birthday cake and mint. Ever-encouraging the overindulgence of Americans, sizes are enormous and inspire a crackhead terminology (according to comedian Aziz Ansari) with labels "Like It", "Love It", and "GOTTA HAVE IT!". Beware of stomach aches. What to try: Birthday Cake Remix, but don't get a size bigger than Like It, their smallest, or you'll find yourself passing up birthday cake at the next 10 birthday parties you go to, including your own.


• The Penn State University Creamery: I discovered this gem during a summer program at PSU. Let me start by saying that this ice cream is so good that rumor has it, it's banned from being sold in regular supermarkets due to its absurdly high fat content (14.1%, to be exact). With indecisiveness being one of my many personality flaws, I can't stand the arrogant "no-mixing" rule put into effect at the Creamery. What to try: Show your loyalty to the team by getting a heart-attack inducing double scoop of Mint Nittany or Peachy Paterno in a freshly baked waffle cone.


• Van Leeuwen Aristan Ice Cream Truck: The trendiest in ice cream of New York City, locals and tourists alike can get a lick of Van Leeuwen's sophisticatedly crafted frozen treats by hunting down any of their several ice cream trucks sprinkled throughout Manhattan and Brooklyn. With its growing popularity, Whole Foods has now taken on Van Leeuwen's by offering the ice cream by the pint in its stores across New York and New Jersey. The best way to experience VL ice cream, however, is streetside from one of their old-fashioned trucks, because you can also grab a cup of hot coffee to negate the brain freeze you might acquire from quickly gobbling down this delicious dessert. What to try: A refreshing scoop of Ginger paired with an Espresso.

Take a break from the hot summer heat and have a taste of one - or all three - of the coolest ice cream shops of the 21st century. You're only following your American duties, for goodness sake!

Incepcion

Earning $21 million its opening day, and breaching $60 million in its opening weekend, Christopher Nolan's mind-blowing Inception has the potential to become one of this era's most legendary sci-fi flicks. It's intricate plot can be a little difficult to grasp, but luckily for you I've stumbled upon a great alternative. I present you with Incepcion, starring your favorite toddler immigrant, Dora the Explorer.

Is 30 the new 20?

Time Magazine recently reported that women peak at age 31 in terms of beauty, style, and confidence. The study was based off of a survey performed by QVC, and it tested about 2000 British men and women. In light of the report, I decided to do some investigating of my own by comparing photos of celebs in their teens/20s versus their 30s. What do you think?

Cameron Diaz

Drew Barrymore

Angelina Jolie

"No city in the world arrests more of its citizens for using pot than New York, according to statistics compiled by Harry G. Levine, a Queens College sociologist. Nearly NINE OUT OF TEN people charged with violating the law are black or Latino, although national surveys have shown that whites are the heaviest users of pot." (The New York Times)

I won't cry anymore; I'll just sweat twice as much. So you'll NEVER have a shot at seeing me bleed.

Monday Mantra

Everyone can and will let you down, prove you wrong, show you another side of themselves at some point. Who you turn to for one problem will become the source of it himself somewhere down the line. You will find yourself constantly searching for the next person to confide in, vent to, and sympathize with because the last one didn't work out so well, yet you're hoping this one will. But you must learn that the only thing constant about this journey is the journey itself, and you will never attain the consistency you might have or will always believe exists.

At the end of the day, the end of the week, the month, the year, your lifetime: you have yourself. You have yourself when you have no one else, and no one else has you. This is why you must never create the ability to let yourself down, because once you do, and you truly do allow yourself to do it, you will have nothing left.

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong, and that you really do have worth." -Veronica A. Shoffstall

Missing Manhattan

"Chapter one: He was as tough and romantic as the city he loved. Beneath his black-rimmed glasses was the coiled sexual power of a jungle cat. I love this. New York was his town, and it would always be."

Manhattan (1979)

Style of the Day

Janelle Monae

I'm a Barbie Girl

After doing some research, I've come to the realization that in my next life, I must be Barbie.



First of all, having "Barbie" as a first name is totally acceptable when you find out that homegirl's middle name is "Millicent". Come ON, you cannot get more baller status than "Millicent". Bittie is an independent boss woman who has man-candy Ken on hand at all times, and when he started neglecting his personal appearance, she kicked his ass to the curb and wouldn't take him back til he got his shit together. Don't even get me started on her whips. Barbie has a different ride for every day of the week, and all of them are fabulous (a convertible, a Jeep Wrangler, and even an RV for those crazy camping trips). And if for some reason B doesn't feel like polluting the atmosphere, she can just ride one of her horses. Not to mention, Barb's got an entire zoo of exotic pets, including but not limited to: a zebra, a panda, and a lion, all of which she keeps in the poolhouse of her multilevel dreamhouse equipped with a pool. And Barbie wasn't just given all of these luxuries: babygirl is a self-starting go-getter whose held a range of jobs such as doctor, astronaut, lawyer, pilot, lead singer of her own band, fashion model, and Nascar racer - just to name a few. Obviously with a lifestyle that is so fabulous, she can't help but have a plethora of hottie friends, and Teresa and Midge have always been her bests (til Midge had an illegitimate baby with boyfriend Allan... what a ho).




Is there even a need to go on? Barbie Millicent Roberts is a high class bitch; who wouldn't wanna be her in the future life?

Monster Mash

From late Wednesday night through early this morning, more than 18,000 of the world's best fans flocked to Rockefeller Plaza in NYC to weather the heat and rain for Mama Monster Lady Gaga's performance on NBC's Today Show. Gags performed at 8:30 this morning as a part of the show's Summer Concert series and did not disappoint, as per usual.

Her performance included the usually unusual costumes and choreography, but Gaga's true vocal talents were showcased this time as she opened with a beautiful rendition of "Someone to Watch Over Me". This was followed by, of course, "Bad Romance", "Alejandro", and "Teeth", which she dedicated to her devoted little monsters whom she had sent pizza and water to yesterday while they awaited this morning's show. Gaga also gifted fans with an even tastier treat: a song from her upcoming album. "You and I" is a more soulful and slower ballad as opposed to her typical upbeat dance jams. The song had a style reminiscent of The Fame Monster's "Speechless", and LG, while sipping out of a large china teacup, claimed that this track is much different from the rest of the tracks to be featured on her next album. As Gaga closed the mini-concert with "Teeth", the skies opened up and rain downpoured on the star and the lot of fans, symbolizing the cathartic effect typically experienced by Gags and her fans after every performance.

Once again, my faith in Lady Gaga continues to strengthen. I can't wait to see what she has in store for us with her next outfit, album, performance.

Check out her performance of "You and I" on The Today Show here:

The Best Feelings Ever:

• Jumping into an ice cold pool after being so hot you think you might die
• Waking up to discover that you have a snow day and school/work has been cancelled
• Returning home to find that package you've been waiting forever for has finally been delivered
• The moments following a misguided freakout about losing something such as your wallet or cell phone in which you realize you didn't lose it and it's actually right there
• Chugging the crispest, chillest, most delicious water you've ever tasted immediately following a hard physical feat
• Seeing that he or she texted you
• Falling asleep on a hot, crowded beach and waking up after the sun goes down and everyone's deserted it
• Catching your favorite movie on TV at the beginning
• Winning. At anything.
• Driving with the windows down in a car filled with your best friends and the radio turned up
• Thinking it's Monday and realizing it's Friday
• Giving somebody a gift that he's geniunely grateful for
• Telling a well-received joke/Making people laugh
• Earning the respect of your professor/your boss/your parent/someone you respect
• Teaching something new and profound to someone
• Crying at a tear-jerking movie
• Making a new friend
• Nailing that turn/Scoring that goal
• Trying something new... and liking it
• Falling in love and having someone there to catch you

The Truth Must Be Heard.

Just thought I'd share a little something-something from my husband-to-be Aziz Ansari aka RAAAAAAAANDY. This propaganda, otherwise known as TRUTH, against spawn of satan Justin Bieber, is only further evidence that Aziz and I are meant to be. I always knew that little blonde headed piece of crap was up to no good.

What's in a Name...

In light of Eclipse, the third installment of the Twilight movie series debut, I've researched the top 5 girls' & boys' baby names of present day because of the chatter that parents' have started naming their kids after famous characters like Edward, Bella, and Jacob (which, to me, raises the more alarming question of how young the people are that are having babies). Anyways, here it is:

GIRLS
1. Emma: German name for "all-embracing". Sounds kinda slutty to me.
2. Isabella: German/Spanish for "consecrated to God". Tween for "hot chick from Twilight who's into vamps and shit".
3. Emily: meaning "eager". I guess that's cool if you're going for one of those docile, trained puppy kinda kids.
4. Madison: HOLLA! Actually I'm kind of upset about this because I'd rather not be so mainstream. And I like being the only one who turns around when my name is uttered in a room. Call it narcissistic. It is.
5. Ava: Latin for "blooming"... won't even comment on that one.

BOYS
1. Jacob: the boys of the future will be remembered as that werewolf with a six-pack or Taylor Swift's ex.
2. Michael: definitely going to be a rise in this name over the next few years to commemorate a lost legend, Michael Jackson. Hopefully the parents of these youngsters will do a better job than Joe.
3. Ethan: Latin for "constant". I can see this one leading to "constant pain in the ass" but that just might be my distaste for children.
4. Joshua: This name is gross and dumb........Just joshin' ya! (Sorry, that was pathetic)
5. Daniel: Ohhhh, Danny boy, Danny boy, Danny boyyyyy. And that's all I have to say about that one.

I'm just happy that "Miley" hasn't hit the top of these lists yet.

Just point, blast, and cook.

It's right next to the eggs!

...Hmm. Doesn't quite sound like an item I want making my breakfast.

Introducing The Batter Blaster, a "hot" new item of the culinary realm that was brught to my consumer attention several times during a commercial break on Bravo (whose network name really isn't boding well for itself this time). The Batter Blaster, which most definitely was created by a serious stoner, is a bizarre cousin of Cheez-Whiz that promises the similar easy-dispense feature but this time, with pancake batter. Its other claim-to-fame is being organic and kosher, which doesn't quite matter to me after reading the ingredient list (whole egg solids, lactic acid from beet sugar, etc). I don't want to even know what happens if the "do not store in an environment above 45 degrees Fahrenheit" rule is broken.

Somehow, that "AMAZING!" graphic doesn't win me over. Bottom line, this may have been a good idea in theory, but I'd rather spend the 5 extra minutes whipping up some pancakes from scratch than spend the next 2 days with food poisoning. Save yourselves!

How does one become a butterfly?
You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.

-Trina Paulus-

A Penny for Your Thoughts

Currently watching the BET Awards. This year is the 10th anniversary of the show and my GIRL Queen Latifah is hosting (I'm gonna look past the not so graceful maneuver she made to get down the steps). I'm glad to see that Nick Cannon's still doing his thing and keeping his career up. Not so sure I can say the same for his wifey... Nicki Minaj is looking FRESH. To quote my boy ZFry, she absolutely is the next "Queen Bee". Diddy and Ludacris were also some of the better dressed celebs to hit the carpet. The pre-show performances were dece, including acts by Mishon, Roscoe, and Soulja Boy, but they certainly saved the real deals for the actual show. Kanye opened up with his new single "Power" and you gotta admit, regardless of how much of a total d-bag he acts like 24/7, he's seriously talented and knows what he's doing. No one else can hold an audience like that these days, just standing on stage alone doing his thing. Trey Songz is looking extra good, and I'm still wondering why Tommy Lee is at this show. I giggled at Rick Ross trying to French-ass his name up a la "Rick Rose-ay" . Alicia Keys is beautiful and her baby with Swizz Beatz (was I the only one who really didn't see that coming?). Really looking forward to some of these performances... Especially by PRINCE. Are you watching?

Still Missing a True Legend...

R.I.P.

Michael Jackson

August 29, 1958-June 25, 2009

My Neighbor...

Recently, Toy Story 3, the 3D sequel to the previous Disney-Pixar films, came out in theaters, and ever since it has been receiving rave reviews. I had all intentions of going to the ever-so-necessary midnight premiere with friends, but then I realized I'd rather spend those 109 minutes getting some shut-eye. WORST. DECISION. EVER. Not only has every person on the planet that I've come in contact with for the past week had nothing to talk about besides the animated feature, but I just found out that one of the biggest household names in show business (well, at least in my household) has a cameo appearance in the movie! That's right, friends... TOTORO is featured in Toy Story 3.

For those of you unfamiliar with Totoro, you might as well consideer yourself non-living creatures. My Neighbor Totoro (1988) is a Japanese anime film by Hayao Miyazaki (otherwise known as "genius"). My parents made me and my sister watch it back in the day along with another crucial-to-living-life movie, Fern Gully. *In retrospect, the least we could do was allow the couple that gave us life to force us to watch these actually child appropriate films, considering at age 6, I preferred the likes of Empire Records, Married to the Mob, and Saturday Night Fever.*

The movie turned out to be the most endearing, heart-warming film I'd ever see in the duration of my adolescence. And Totoro became a beacon of hope in my young, fantasy-loving life that was quickly being suffocated by discoveries that Santa isn't real (I'm still skeptical) and that ice cream is bad for you (the calcium benefits outweigh the negatives in my mind). It features a struggling family that seeks comfort in a giant rabbit/whale/penguin/cat/spirit-type thing whose primary modes of transportation include floating, hopping, and teleportation. He/she/it/Totoro also guards the forest, summons large buses in the shape of a cat, and is oddly penchant for umbrellas and small Asian children.

I understand how one might think I'm on major drugs for liking this movie, relating to this movie, or merely suggesting that you should watch this movie. But you must trust me on this one when I say that you're confusing my alleged drug use for your own shame in not ever seeing this film.

Totoro-Toy Story time. Sayonara, bitches.

Happy June 22nd!

Two days ago was Father's Day. Yesterday was the first day of summer. Everyone made such a fuss about those two days, and it made me realize something:

What about those other days that come after a big holiday? Does anyone ever pay any attention to them? I could be missing out on a really awesome little-known holiday just because some big bully holiday like Summer Solstice is stealing all the spotlight (and literally, too- it's got the most hours of sunlight out of all the days of the year!).




I feel as though it is my journalistic duty to examine the unexamined, therefore I did some research on June 22. And this is what I found.

• It is 173rd day of the year (174th if it's a leap year)


• It is National Chocolate Eclair Day (or Cry-Til-Your-Eyeballs-Fall-Out If You're On a Diet Day, for those of you unfamiliar)

Just thought I'd take you back to your childhood with this one -->

• Feudalism was abolished in British North America on this day in 1825


• Meryl Streep was born today in 1949 (61 years ago and still looking pretty good, might I add)


• It is Teachers Day in El Salvador... Felicidades, profesores.

So before you think that there's not something to be celebrated today just because two major holidays just took place, play serf, buy Meryl Streep a birthday eclair, and have a very happy June 22.

ByeByeKitty

I'm sorry, but can someone PLEASE fill me in on the obsession with HelloKitty? I don't know if I'm missing something or if I'm just crazy, but I honestly do not comprehend. For your viewing pleasure, here are some absurd applications of HelloKitty to real life things that should never have anything to do with a cartoon, no-mouthed kitten.


Sorry but I don't want to watch my vampire porn on True Blood through HelloKitty's FACE.

Hitting a Kitty is not nice, in any interpretation of the phrase.

For the all those girly girls out there in the country who want to add a few more deers to their family's collection in style.

No matter how good your "Stairway to Heaven" is, you automatically drop 500 cool points in my book if you play it on this sucker.

Finally, something to top Ed Hardy shoes in terms of heinousness.

After a few glasses of these, this whole HelloKitty obsession isn't looking so bad.

Throw Some Deez On This Blog

I started blogging back in the day, but an older and wiser friend of mine recently refueled my fire to blog. This is my take on something I borrowed from her blog, and I'm making it my second post as an homage to her. Basicallyshestheshitandsupersmartandfunny, so like go read her blog: www.pleasedontfeedthehipsters.blogspot.com.

If I were…
If I were a month, I’d be February (28 days? 29 days? Why can't that damn month ever hit the 30 mark?).
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Thursday.
If I were a time of day, I’d be that hour you skip during Day Light Savings.
If I were a planet, I’d be Pluto (we thought it was a planet, then we didn't - what a sick joke).
If I were an animal, I’d be anything without fur or feathers because that'd just be tragic to be allergic to yourself.
If I were a direction, I’d be that one that GoogleMaps always leaves out that ends up screwing you over.
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a barstool. Sit, stand, or hit someone in the back of the head with it.
If I were a liquid, I’d be Mercury.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be that Moonstone that Mary Kate and Ashley search for in Double Double Toil and Trouble.
If I were a tree, I’d be short.
If I were a tool, I’d be The Situation.
If I were a flower, I’d be a buttercup. If you believe in me, I'll tell you if you like butter or not by emanating a yellowish glow on your chin.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be a wintry mix. I always liked how the E is omitted in the word "winter" there.
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a recorder. Do I mean those annoying imitation second-rate flute/clarinet type pieces of crap you're forced to squeak through in elementary school, or a device that captures sound? Your call.
If I were a color, I’d be Unmellow Yellow.
If I were an emotion, I’d be emo.
If I were a fruit, I’d be a tomato. Borderline vegetable.
If I were a sound, I’d be that unceasing sniffling noise coming from the kid in the back corner of your class while you're taking a test.
If I were an element, I’d be Earth, Wind, or Fire just so I could be a part of the group... They're some bad mamajamas.
If I were a car, I’d be a gas guzzler.
If I were a food, I’d be a Klondike bar. What would you do for me?
If I were a place, I’d be the capital of Wisconsin. Or a Square Garden. Or an Avenue. Oh wait...
If I were a material, I’d be pleather... perfect for sweating.
If I were a taste, I’d be savory with a spicy aftertaste.
If I were a scent, I’d be Lipsmackers Lunar Lime. Ballin'.
If I were an object, I’d be a teleportation device. Hasn't been invented yet but you know it's gonna be fucking awesome when it is.
If I were a body part, I’d be the funny bone. Sounds like a good time, but it's not so funny when you hurt it, is it?
If I were a facial expression, I’d be a raised eyebrow.
If I were a song, I’d be Back That Azz Up by Juvenile. Classy.
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be stripper stilettos with reinforced heels sturdy enough to dance on top of a bar in and make it through the Walk of Shame home in.

Bloggin' is a Habit, Get Like Me

A good friend of mine once said, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and write a blog sometime, you might miss it." Alas, here I am, writing it. And there you are, reading it.

OK... so you caught me. That was Ferris Bueller (technically I only lied by omission because, in my mind, we're good friends despite his being a fictional character), and no, that's not exactly what he said. But because we're such great in-my-head friends, I know that's sort of what Ferris kind of maybe really meant.

Before you judge me and come to the conclusion that I'm seriously delusional (not that you don't have every reason to believe that thus far), give this blog a shot. And if it ends up leading you to that very conclusion, so be it - as long as you enjoy it. I've already conformed to every other over-publicizing-your-personal-life-on-the-Internet trend. I mean, why just get the #1 when the Happy Meal comes with all that and a toy, right? Therefore I'm fully investing myself into writing this blog, and you're going to read it.

Hey, don't get mad at me because I'm right. Just get Mad with me. It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world out there, as long as you're in MadBack's head. And let's face it - right now, you're in it.